In this post, we have compiled some of the funniest Ted Lasso quotes who is a fictional character and the protagonist of the American comedy-drama television series “Ted Lasso”.
Ted Lasso is an optimistic and funny character in the series that delivers some very inspirational one liners. His open displeasure of tea is one of the most iconic scenes of all.
The series has some witty and hilarious lines that surely makes you go rofl! Here are some funny Ted Lasso quotes that are absolutely hilarious.
Funny Ted Lasso Quotes
1. “Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that.”
2. “Thank you and fuck you.”
3. “I’ve had more psychotic episodes than Twin Peaks.”
4. “When I talk it sounds like Dr. Phil hasn’t gone through puberty yet.”
5. “I’ve never been embarrassed about having streaks in my drawers. You know, it’s all part of growing up.”
6. “I do love a locker room. It smells like potential.”
7. “If you would have told me that I’d be drinking tea at 3 o’clock every day, about a year ago… I would have punched you in the mouth.”
8. “On whether or not he believes in ghosts: “I do. But more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves. You know?”
9. “Back where I’m from, you try to end a game in a tie; well, that might as well be the first sign of the apocalypse.”
10. “I’m not sure what y’all’s smallest unit of measurement is here, but that’s about how much headway I made.”
11. “I don’t like that line at all even if it made me laugh.”
12. “Explaining the offside rule in soccer: “I’m gonna put it the same way the US Supreme Court did back in 1964 when they defined pornography. It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it.”
13. “You doing exactly what I tell you to do is so f***ing hot” — Keeley Jones
14. “You two knuckleheads have split our locker room in half. And when it comes to locker rooms, I like ’em just like my mother’s bathing suits. I only wanna see ’em in one piece, you hear?”
15. “There’s a bunch of crazy stuff on Twitter. Heck, someone made an account for my mustache.”
16. “I never know how to react when a grown man beatboxes in front of me.”
17. “I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ’em, and they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.”
18. “You’re having a baby! You’re 70, what are you a character from the fucking bible!?”
19. “OK, well, mark this down as the first time we disagree, then. Actually, no, second time. Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. Don’t know why you all do that.”
20. “Did I stutter dickhead?”
21. “I forgot how skittish elderly people could be because of the war.” — Jamie
22. “Be honest with me. It’s a prank, right? The tea? Like when us tourist folks aren’t around, y’all know it tastes like garbage? You don’t love it. It’s pigeon sweat.”
23. “Yeah, until we get another Nate here, I just need you to assume you’re my default Nate.”
24. “Holy guacamole” — Jamie
25. “For the love of Meghan Markle, do not blow that whistle again.”
26. “I shouldn’t bring an umbrella to a brainstorm.”
27. “It’s just a group of people who care, Roy. Not unlike folks at a hip-hop concert whose hands are not in the air.”
28. “Does my face look like it’s in the mood for shape based jokes?”
29. “Go after bus driver and make him pay for what he did to me. Avenge me, Keeley, avenge me!”
30. “I hope he dies of the incurable condition of being a little bitch.”
31. “The Eiffel Tower is just a lamppost with a publicist.”
32. “Thank you coach. I felt that one in my penis.”
33. “Every single one of you knows my ass isn’t hairy. Yet none of you spoke up, and I will never forgive you.”
34. “Look, we are not playing for a tie. Ain’t nobody here gonna kiss their sister…which is an American phrase that I’m now realizing does not exist here, and that’s good, ’cause it’s creepy, and I hate it myself; I don’t know why I said it.”
35. “Whistle whistle.” – Roy Kent
36. “I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right.”
37. On scones: “It’s like a muffin, except it sucks all the spit out of your mouth.”
38. “I gotta say, man, sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel hopper. You just push all the wrong buttons.”
39. “If y’all were really introverts, you would’ve been quiet as a church mouse. Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won’t shut up.”
40. “That Rebecca is an intimidating and very tall woman.”
41. “Let’s go find a fucking windmill!”
This sums up the best and funny Ted Lasso quotes!
Which of these funny Ted Lasso quotes made you laugh the most?
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