In this post, we’ll explore some of the funniest Oscar Wilde quotes, who was known for his sharp wit and clever humor.
Oscar Wilde was a writer who had a unique way of turning everyday observations into hilarious and thought-provoking one-liners. His humor often poked fun at society, human behavior, and even himself which made his writings very relatable.
Let’s dive into some of the best funny Oscar Wilde quotes that are sure to make you smile.
Funny Oscar Wilde Quotes
1. “The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
2. “The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.”
3. “Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.”
4. “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.”
5. “The nicest feeling in the world is to do a good deed anonymously-and have somebody find out.”
6. “Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.”
7. “I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.”
8. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.”
9. “Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
10. “After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”
11. “I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
12. “Some things are more precious because they don’t last long.”
13. “To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”
14. “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”
15. “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
16. “No good deed goes unpunished.”
17. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
18. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
19. “I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
20. “I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.”
21. “I can resist anything except temptation.”
22. “Women have a much better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them.”
23. “The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.”
24. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
25. Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.”
26. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
27. “Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.”
28. “I quite agree with Dr. Nordau’s assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.”
29. “It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But… it is better to be good than to be ugly.”
30. “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.”
31. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.”
32. “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
33. “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”
34. “When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.”1. “My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people’s.”
35. “Music makes one feel so romantic – at least it always gets on one’s nerves – which is the same thing nowadays.”
36. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”
37. “Popularity is the one insult I have never suffered.”
38. “I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.”
39. “A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.”
40. “To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
41. “I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do – the day after.”
42. “One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.”
43. “There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.”
44. “I can believe anything as long as it is incredible.”
45. “I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.”
46. “Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”
47. “It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one’s enemies. It is the successes of one’s friends that are hard to bear.”
48. “Time is a waste of money.”
49. “An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.”
50. “It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one’s back, that are absolutely and entirely true.”
51. “I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.”
52. “One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.”
53. “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
54. “God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.”
55. “Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.”
56. “I don’t recognize you – I’ve changed a lot.”
57. “On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure.”
58. “If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.”
59. “Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women’s husbands.”
60. “I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.”
61. “I don’t say we all ought to misbehave. But we ought to look as if we could.”
62. “There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
63. “Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.”
64. “The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.”
65. “He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one’s eyes, and does not look at him.”
66. “Life is too short to learn German.”
67. “I like Wagner’s music better than anybody’s. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.”
68. “It is only by not paying one’s bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.”
69. “Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.”
These funny Oscar Wilde quotes reminds us not to take life too seriously and to find joy in the little absurdities of life. His sharp wit continues to make us laugh and think, even today!
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