In this post, we’ll read the best and most hilarious Shrek quotes.
Shrek isn’t just an animated movie–it’s a bag of humor, wisdom, and unforgettable one–liners. From Shrek’s grumpy yet lovable attitude to Donkey’s endless chatter, the movie has given us some of the most iconic quotes.
Whether you’re looking for something hilarious, heartwarming, or just plain relatable, these Shrek quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
Best Shrek Quotes
1. “After a while you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are.” – Shrek
2. “I’m sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken.” – Donkey
3. “Only a true friend would be that truly honest.” – Donkey
4. “Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!” – Donkey
5. “I hate Mondays.” – Puss in Boots
6. “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” – Lord Farquaad
7. “Working hard or hardly working?” – Shrek
8. “Little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?” – Shrek
Funny Shrek Quotes
1. “Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.” – Shrek
2. “C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” – Donkey
3. “I already had a big bowl of curly–toed weirdo for breakfast.” – Shrek
4. “You’re going the right way for a smacked bottom.” – Shrek
5. Donkey: “Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” Shrek: “That would be my home.”
6. “Yeah, right, brimstone, don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn’t no brimstone and it didn’t come off no stone neither.” – Donkey
7. “Somebody help! I’ve been kidnapped by a monster who’s trying to relate to me!” – Artie
8. “Then you gotta try a little tenderness! The chicks love that romantic crap.” – Donkey
9. “Oh, don’t feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you.” – Donkey
10. “Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you. Or I forget.” – Shrek
11. “You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.” – Shrek
12. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” – Donkey
13. “Before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.” – Donkey
Shrek Quotes by Shrek
1. “I live in a swamp! I put up signs! I’m a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?”
2. “That’ll do Donkey, that’ll do.”
3. “That must be Lord Farquaad’s castle. Do you think he’s maybe compensating for something?”
4. “Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.”
5. “There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest! Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious?”
6. “Well my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty, must be a high school.”
7. “You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.”
8. “A stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest?”
9. “If you think this mad scene ain’t dope, I feel you, dude.”
10. “I like my privacy.”
11. “This is the part where you run away.”
12. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire–breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love’s first kiss… like that’s ever gonna happen. What a load of…”
13. “What are you doing in my swamp!?”
14. “Join the club. We got jackets.”
15. “It’s time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You’re the new king of Far Far Away.”
16. “Cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?”
17. “You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear.”
18. “Actually, it’s quite good on toast.”
19. “How do you explain Sgt. Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?”
20. “For five minutes, could you not be yourself?”
21. “Oh yeah, you’re right, Donkey. I forgive you… For stabbing me in the back!” – Shrek
22. “Oh yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?”
23. “Look at him in his wee li’l boots!”
24. “Hey! I’m no one’s messenger boy, all right? I’m a delivery boy.”
25. “Like that’s ever gonna happen.”
26. “Donkey, two things, OK? Shut… up.”
27. “Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close.”
Shrek Quotes by Donkey
1. “In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the smartest of animals.”
2. “Wow! Let’s do that again!”
3. “I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”
4. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.”
5. “Please! I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!”
6. “Wow, that was really scary, and if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath STINKS.”
7. “It’s gonna be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on.”
8. “Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry; things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It’ll be better in the morning. You’ll see.”
9. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles!”
10. “And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases leaking outta my butt that day.”
11. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.”
12. “Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t color blind!”
13. “You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, ‘Let’s get some parfait,’ they say, ‘Hell no, I don’t like no parfait’? Parfaits are delicious!”
14. “Wake up and smell the pheromones.”
15. “Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkly teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something, ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there. And do I detect a hint of minty freshness?”
16. “All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it. I’m a donkey on the edge!”
17. “Don’t die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!”
18. “She called me a noble steed.”
19. “You, uh, you don’t entertain much, do you?”
20. “You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now.”
21. “But, uh, I don’t have any friends. And I’m not going out there by myself.”
22. “That’s another thing we have in common. I hate it when you’ve got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence, you know?”
23. “Oh! Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me! Meeee!”
24. “Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.”
25. “Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry, things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It’ll be better in the morning. You’ll see.”
26. “Don’t you want to tell me about your trip? How about a game of Parcheesi?”
27. “OK, let me get this straight: You gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad’ll give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ‘cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?”
Shrek Quotes by Princess Fiona
1. “But, I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.”
2. “Good morning. Um, how do you like your eggs?”
3. Princess Fiona: “What kind of a knight are you?” Shrek: “One of a kind.”
4. “There’s an arrow in your butt.”
5. “What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.”
6. “By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm. Until you find true love’s first kiss. And then take love’s true form.”
Shrek Quotes about Onions & Ogres
1. “You’re so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings.” – Donkey
2. “Ogres are like onions.” – Shrek
3. “Oh, this is one of those onion things, isn’t it? – Donkey
4. “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres – oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” – Shrek
5. “No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers.”
6. “I’m an ogre! You know, ‘Grab your torch and pitchforks!'” – Shrek
Shrek Quotes By Others
Lord Farquaad
1. “Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?” – Lord Farquaad
2. “I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me!” – Lord Farquaad
3. Lord Farquaad: “What’s that? It’s hideous!” Shrek: “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey.”
Puss in Boots
1. “Feed me, if you dare.”
2. “On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.”
3. “Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers…”
King Harold
1. “I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it.”
2. “Shrek, Fiona will you accept an Old Frog’s apology and my blessing?”
3. “He is a bit different, but people do change for the ones they love. You’d be surprised how much I changed for your mother.”
Gingerbread Man
1. “Eat me!”
1. “Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We’ve got a big order to fill.”
1. “I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears! Flip over to Wheel of Torture.”
This sums up our collection of Shrek quotes.
Whether it’s about love, friendship, or just the struggles of being an ogre, these lines remind us why we fell in love with Shrek and his world. No matter how many times we watch, it always seems hilarious and thought provoking.
Which of these Shrek quotes is your favorite?
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